Holiday Stress & Nervous System Management
Written by: Teresa Jacobs-Castano
Let’s just say that the holidays are stressful and managing emotions can be a difficult task for adults and certainly for our children. The holidays can be filled with a Santa bag full of emotions for everyone and they can certainly create schedule changes which adds additional stress. We want to talk to you a little bit about your nervous system and how you might be a bit more in control of your stress and help your children manage theirs.
Our nervous system is designed to help us survive and can be reactive to anything we perceive as a threat. The key word is perceive because your nervous system responds even if the threat is not something dangerous to us. Holiday stress is not necessarily dangerous per se, but if we become overwhelmed by the threat of needing perfection or other self-inflicted pressures, the survival system will step up and take over. Our survival system goes into fight or flight mode when we feel threatened and sometimes our system will begin to shut down when it is overwhelmed. Your autonomic nervous system has a reactive, hot side and a manageable, cool downside.
There is a therapeutic theory referred to as the polyvagal theory which is based on medical research and related to the autonomic nervous system. There is a nerve referred to as the vagal nerve that runs from the cerebellum (in your brain), down your spinal cord and to your adrenaline glands. When your body perceives something as a potential threat, a message is sent to respond and react. The problem with this is that when we are highly emotional and feel threatened, our prefrontal cortex (thinking part of your brain) is “off-line”. The vagal nerve is attached to many other nerves that wrap around to the front side of your body and regulates breathing, other organ functioning and digestion. The front side of your nervous system can help you cool down and be less emotionally reactive by allowing your heart rate to decrease. When you activate this cool down system, it gives you the space to reach your prefrontal cortex and think. When you can take a moment to think, you will be able to choose an action instead of engaging in a reaction.
It may sound cliché to do deep breathing or try to be mindful, but if we slow down and engage in these practices, we are able to start to manage our nervous system as well as our emotions and then possibly be better equipped to help our children calm down as well. Some suggestions might be:
Practice a breathing technique that involves counting so your mind is focused on your breath. We generally cannot think about two things at the same time and if you find your mind wandering come back to your breath.
When you feel a little calmer, ask yourself if this is really a threatening moment or just an overwhelming moment.
Try to focus on calming yourself and parenting from that calm focused, present-based space.
Remember that they don’t need a perfect holiday, they just need your focused love and attention.
Mindful Moment from Headspace: “Cultivate a mind that’s like the sky – neither excited by the sunshine or bothered by the clouds.”