BOYS WILL BE BOYS
Written by: Diana Fisher
It seems that it is often thought that the tougher children to manage in a classroom setting tend to be boys. Boys and girls do seem to differ in behavioral regulation and social interactional skills especially at these young ages. This is not an excuse for disruptive behavior, but rather an acknowledgment that there may be differences between the development, social, emotional and physical needs of girls and boys.
I look at this topic from a much more personal lens. I am a mom of three boys as well as a previous preschool teacher and a retired preschool director. When my boys were younger, our school system initiated a reading program. I initially thought this was a great idea but I quickly was aware of how often programs like this don’t consider the sometimes unique needs of young boys. While each of our boys enjoyed reading; one enjoyed animal non-fiction books, another non-fiction strategy and history books and the third, fiction books that included boys as main characters and adventure, they did struggle with this new reading curriculum. In this program all but one book had to do with female friendships and the topics they face in their teen years. In helping them throughout that summer to stay interested in the books the program offered, I thought how much it would have helped for consideration to be given to the topics more often capturing the attention of young boys, children from other cultures, children from a variety of household constellations and so on. Just being aware of the sometimes differing interests of young boys made me much more aware of the differences for all children that can be supported in the classroom with some mindfulness.
Throughout my years working and from my director’s lens, while I just wanted to keep everyone happy and working together this was no small task with the diversity of needs of children and their parents. Teachers had to run cohesive and happy classrooms often with limited staff and often with limited training in the unique needs and development of children. While I was comfortable running after boys and helping them stay on task as a parent, as a director I wished there were more training courses for educators that would have given them more tools to deal with and understand boys differing interests as well as the differences of children from a variety of backgrounds, family lives and cultural interests .
As a teacher, some days it feels like you’re just getting by and you wished that your activities would keep the group working well together through carpet time, circle time, and all the projects you thought would engage them happily. My experience was that there were just constantly creative adjustments that were always being made throughout every day. One difference might be the natural activity level variations of children, perhaps related somewhat to gender, perhaps related to cultural experiences but none the less, a difference we as educators could make accommodations for.
Let’s take a look at some of the facts and observations related to the differences between children’s development over the early years:
Boys and girls tend to have similar physical growth patterns during their early childhood years. However, girls will grow taller in their late elementary years and then boys will typically catch up and surpass them a few years later.
Boys’ gross motor skills often develop sooner than girls and they tend to be more impulsive and aggressive. Studies have shown that boys’ brains light up more, they experience more state arousal, when they take risks and engage in large play activities. In contrast, girls develop their fine motor skills sooner, so they often enjoy art, crafts and writing more than boys being more able to feel engaged in less energetic play.
Verbal skill acquisition is an area where we often see boys developing a little later than girls as well. Sex related hormones and genes may be a contributing factor to this. Skills to express yourself well to others are paramount to harmonious relating with others. Girls appear to read nonverbal cues sooner which allows them to connect words and feelings more quickly and have empathetic regard for others. This would then enhance positive classroom interaction and a sense of group cohesion.
Potty training is another area where girls often outpace boys, and they tend to wet the bed less frequently. Researchers aren’t sure why this is true, but there is a suggestion that this could be due to social or physical development influencing. For instance, moms generally do most of the potty training and it is not possible for them to model this training, so the boys don’t make the connection. (Ding, 2025)
And then as they continue:
2/3rds of special education students in high school are boys
Boys are 50% more likely to be held back in the eighth grade
Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD or a learning disability and sent to a school psychologist
Boys have consistently scored worse on national testing than girls in reading for 30 years
Some of these behaviors and learning concerns begin to take root in the preschool setting and though we don’t necessarily know why this is happening, perhaps we can make some positive changes in the preschool environment that will provide options for learning enhanced regulation skills.
Boys and girls need more time for play and free choice. Play is crucial for children’s social, emotional and physical well-being. This is when they learn how to work together as a community. They are learning cooperation, compromise and a sense of caring for others. They are learning to be self-governing as a result of responses from their peers and they are learning to reason for themselves what makes a “good” choice rather than responding to adult directives.
Look at your learning environment. Are there enough centers to engage all the children? Is there enough space for the children to play with cars, trucks, Lego’s and building blocks? Do you have enough variety of manipulatives that range in difficulty and complexity to challenge each child at their learning level and allow for growth without creating frustration? And, most importantly, are the toys and manipulatives things that your specific children are interested in?
Here are a few ideas to consider that would likely interest many different children.
Real tools – Children can be taught how to use small hand tools. Be sure to take all the safety precautions to keep everyone safe. Limit the number of children at the center. You can have a “sign up” sheet so all can participate. There should always be an adult at the center – maybe consider having a parent in the room to help. Have well-fitting safety glasses for protection. Also, spend quite a bit of time before you introduce the center creating rules and posting them – you can also use safety pictures. Talk and post how many children can be at the center at one time. Be intentional of what they are to do at the center – you could have a pumpkin and golf tees at Halloween time and set out a couple of small hammers. Get a couple of small pieces of wood at start a couple of screws in each one. Then have screwdrivers that they could use to screw them in. (This of course can vary depending on developmental levels and appropriateness)
Have large blocks in a variety of shapes and sizes and build forts or towers and obstacle courses.
Build small group robots. Find boxes ranging in various sizes and have the children work together in small groups to build their own robot. Ask families if they would donate used items that could be used to create them. Items such as doorknobs, reflectors, panels from old computers, etc. They could also draw on them. This activity is great for encouraging compromise and cooperation.
During the winter, especially during the winter Olympics, the children can make their own skiers out of clothes pins or tongue depressors and decorate them the way they want. Have them build cardboard ski jumps. This could be a weeklong activity ending with races on the last day.
Freeze small penguins in ice using different sizes of plastic tubs. Once frozen you can put them in a sensory bin. They can chip away at the ice or you a make it a science lesson showing them what salt does to the ice and why.
You could put out toothpicks and marshmallows to build with or red solo cups to stack.
My two personal favorites are creating obstacle courses and playing a what’s missing game together on the floor. If you take a tray, put several items on it and show it to the children. Next, lay a small towel or blanket over it and remove one item and let them guess what’s missing. It works best if you use items that have some similarity, such as jungle animals, different colored blocks, etc.
As you consider the information provided in this blog, it is important to remember that every child is unique. There will always be those that fall outside the “typical” trends. There isn’t a “one size fits all” play book. This blog is merely meant to serve as a guideline if you feel that this is an area for improvement. There are many other factors that we, as teachers and directors, cannot change such as genetics, temperament, and other background factors. However, we can create supportive environments to help children develop to be amazing individuals!
Ding, C. 2025 Raising Boys and Girls: Differences in Development. BabyCenter
Raising boys and girls: Differences in development | BabyCenter
Depond, C. 2025 Boys and Girls: Different Brains from Birth. Techno-Science. Net