Understanding Developmentally Appropriate Behavior and When to Seek Support
Written by: Savannah Schadegg
It’s natural for young children to test limits, express big emotions, and behave in unpredictable ways. These behaviors are part of how children learn to navigate their world. Sometimes, behaviors can persist or escalate in ways that leave adults wondering: Should I be concerned? Understanding the difference between developmentally appropriate behavior and signs of concern is crucial for caregivers, educators, and families.
What Is Developmentally Appropriate Behavior?
Developmentally appropriate behavior refers to actions and emotional responses that are typical for a child's age and stage of growth. For example, Toddlers aged 1 to 3 years may hit, bite, or throw tantrums because they lack language skills and impulse control. Preschoolers aged 3 to 5 years may struggle with sharing or taking turns and have vivid fears. Kindergarteners aged 5 to 6 years often test rules, exaggerate stories, and experience frustration with transitions or expectations. These behaviors, while challenging, are usually part of normal development, especially when they occur occasionally and improve with adult guidance and support.
What to Watch for
According to research from the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard and guidance from the CDC and Zero to Three, behavior may be a cause for concern if it:
● Persists over time and doesn't improve with consistent strategies.
● Interferes with daily functioning at home, school, or in the community.
● Is extreme in intensity or duration, such as continuous meltdowns or self-injury.
● Reflects a lack of progress in emotional regulation, language development, or social engagement.
WYECBC works to identify concerns through intake information, observations, and caregiver interviews. We work to separate what is developmentally appropriate behavior from what can be supported through personalized interventions.
The Most Common Concerns
● Under Age 3:
○ Separation anxiety
○ Limited interest in people or play.
○ Rarely engaged in activities or interests
○ Frequent, intense tantrums that are difficult to soothe.
● Ages 3–5:
○ Aggressive behavior that causes harm to others.
○ Persistent disruptive behaviors or struggling to build friendships.
○ Inability to play cooperatively or engage in imaginative play.
● Ages 5–6:
○ Difficulty following one- or two-step instructions despite consistent routines.
○ Intense anxiety, sadness, or withdrawal from social interaction.
○ Persistent disruptive behaviors or struggling to build friendships.
○ Unusual or excessive fears that interfere with daily life.
When to Seek Support
Families and educators should seek support when:
● They feel overwhelmed, unsure, or concerned about a child’s behavior.
● The behavior is disruptive to learning, safety, relationships, or daily living.
● They have tried consistent strategies (like clear routines, positive reinforcement, and social-emotional teaching) without success.
In the Meantime
● Build strong, predictable routines to help children feel secure.
● Model calm behavior and coach children through big feelings.
● Use emotion language ("I see you're really frustrated") to help children name and process emotions.
● Offer choices to give a sense of control.
● Focus on connection before correction—children need to feel safe and understood to learn new behaviors.
Conclusion
Challenging behaviors are part of growing and learning, but they shouldn’t be ignored when they disrupt a child’s ability to thrive. Seeking support is not a sign of failure—it’s a powerful act of advocacy and care. With the right support, children and their families can navigate difficulties, build skills, and flourish together.
Additional resources on this topic can be found:
● Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University: https://developingchild.harvard.edu
● Zero to Three: https://www.zerotothree.org
● CDC Developmental Milestones: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html
● National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations (NCPMI): https://challengingbehavior.org